Friday, March 2, 2012

Comfort in strange places.

A cry for help entered the night.
Guilt filled the soul at the thought,
One turning for comfort was seen
with annoyance, then reality tore.

Conceit for ones self, ones own long day,
fell away, into selflessness, listening and comfort.
Talk it through, be caring and loving,
stay on the line and I’ll carry you through it.

To hear one so strong, sound so weak,
So in need, of me? When panic ensued,
a calm affirmation arose; you will be fine.
Your knight will come and rescue you.

He will be by your side, as soon as he can,
Taking you to that place of care.
The duty is done, a sigh a relief.
I can go and rest with the good deed complete.

So waiting to hear, of the heroic feats
word did not come, calling back conquered.
Another day for the word, not this or that,
patience quickly becoming an important ally.

Life goes on, without a care or a clue,
No news is good news,
Go on and live life, as you always have.
Your time for being the strong one is done.

Oh that thought is still stuck in my brain,
I can be vain, conceited and selfish.
Push her away, tuck down deep
Importance is now where it should be, me.

I wish for the innocence that once had
before this dark day came.
Untouchable, strong and really ok
not a care in the world, life is normal.

Then darkness, that beast of the abyss,
reached in and took hold, twisting
gnawing and killing my soul.
No tears can come now.

I stayed strong for a small bit of time.
Enough to find out, stay sure and calm.
At the end, panic ensued,
Where do I turn, what do I do.

Control has been lost, it’s ugly and cold
Scared, unsure, filled with fear.
How can this monster touch us
Why, her, why not me, where to turn.

A stranger once shared, his heart
A stranger once shared, his pain.
Do I dare, Do I plead for help
to comfort a stranger in need?

Tormented screams fill my head,
make it stop, make it end
This isn’t real. I want to wake up
I’m scared and feel small, insignificant.

Thinking hurt, both head and heart,
Suddenly, quietly things become clear
You are here because I told you to be
You seek your destiny.

Friendships were found, it’s odd
this place of ambiguity, true heroes
My ladies of distraction, of fun
Wrapped in the comfort of arms unseen.

Then another reply, a strangers words
It’s scary as hell, he won’t lie.
Be strong and try, take it all in
Make sure you appreciate & love; value.

Numbness ensues, until the word is given
Patience, I’ve had is falling away,
I want to breath, but don’t dare,
Denial, mistakes must have been made.

The sudden feeling of a hand,
Invisible, but there
guiding me, pushing me, holding me.
Open up eyes, look, see.

Escape from the pain, a smile a laugh.
Push panic away, push away fear.
Wait darling, wait,
Live life till you hear.

It’s hard to stay me, show no fear
A mask is donned, face the day
The monsters on the doorstep
But you mustn’t give in

Holding on tight, to hope
fearing the worst.
Spinning out of control, tether me
hold me down, I don’t want to be lost.

This hell, that is life, must be hidden.
Strength and courage must avail
Time for me later, I trust
Now is for love, no regrets.

An odd time to be thankful,
When filled with the pain
The anger the remorse.
But I am, I have to be, nothing else matters.

Time mustn’t be wasted, ignored
Time mustn’t be filtered.
My shallow existence is gone,
Innocence lost, withered, dry.

A week of hell awaits, carry on
Carry her, her needs her wants
The time for me is later,
My love must shine through.

I must survive the insanity in my own head,
My solace has been sought,
I cover in jest, my feelings, my heart.
Flirt, love, be me, stay who I am

That’s who she made me to be,
strong, caring and true.
Carry on each day until the word comes
I am her, she is me, love hurts right now

Affection for friends and strangers I have
They’re keeping me tethered, tied down.
Words hit home, never thinking they would,
You have to deal with it, so you will.

There’s no turning back, no do over’s this time
Take what is given, no matter how long
Time is too short, to wallow to pity
I’ll put on my brave face now, keep living.


  1. This is beautiful. Full of truth and honesty. A reminder that life is not for the weak or faint of heart.

  2. Thank You Tammy. I felt so hopeless and scared. And guilty. You never want to here someone you love in so much pain, physical or mental. I wish I was there to take her to the ER that first night.

    I hate being so far away from her, especially now. At least I was able to get a hold of my dad, he was out that night, to go and take her in. She has always call him her knight in shinning aluminum foil. LOL

    I've never felt so scared and helpless being 300 miles away. We still wait. We're still waiting to hear word on exactly what is happening. Test, tests and more tests. Appt. on Thursday. The next 4 days are going to be excruciating.